we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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