how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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