I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Randomize