you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
