I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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