Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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