Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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