we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
