Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize