I didn't shave. On purpose
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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