wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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