I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
