Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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