i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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