What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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