so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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