in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
