the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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