Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
