Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
