I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Randomize
