i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
