I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
