I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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