Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
