lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize