Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
40s are totally the cure
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize