i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
