Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
