i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
