I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
