So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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