you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
