Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize