worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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