I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have fence marks all over my body
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I need water and some morals
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
