You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
