my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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