I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
