so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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