Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize