So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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