They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize