if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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