the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
