There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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