god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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