I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
