I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
