literally had 100 drinks last night.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
