i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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