I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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