i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
