Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
