I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
