Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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