I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
