my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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