I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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