call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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