you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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