afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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