my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
