But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
