Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
