Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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