The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize