If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
