im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
