I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My feet surprised me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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