just tell him i said nine months
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
