I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
