Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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