I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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