I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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