There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
