Barsexuality is the new black.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
