Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize