I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
