she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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