ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She bit a glass in half.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
