i barfeds in our rink
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
