You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
