i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
