Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
