every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Everclear isn't food dammit
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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