Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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