haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
