I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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