omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
