I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
