Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
