Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
pray to the hookup gods
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
