ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
