It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
