Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
