You made me cry and you don't even care
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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