i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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