Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
