So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
