My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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