I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
