keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
