you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
