I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
