dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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