I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
