textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
