ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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